4.25.2008

OMG... Only in America.

So, I recently stumbled across this:

Yes, it is a book explaining plastic surgery to children. Basically, it "aims to tell kids that Mommy's bruises and bandages are temporary and Mommy won't be different, just prettier."

Only in America would this be a published children's book.

Check out some exerpts here.

If you'd like it in time for Mother's Day, just click here to get yours today!

ugh...

I NEED MEDICATION


4.23.2008

You are SO UNBELIEVABLY WRONG

So, usually I try to avoid bringing my friends into my AI addiction (American Idol), but this cannot go without being said...


AMERICA GOT IT WRONG.

I am completely flabergasted that Carly just went home. She was by far the best female and should have been top two, no question. The fact that Jason Castro and Brooke White were safe tonight is beyond ridiculous... I mean seriously, Brooke forgot her lyrics last night and stopped the song and started it over... but wait, this was the SECOND time she's done this! She isn't versatile, she always sounds the same... she should be gone. Not Carly!

UGH... I hate you America. You got it wrong.

Carly, you will be missed.

Freaking People

1) Lunchtime Antics - REALLY?

Today, LT proceeded to read the grocery ads OUT LOUD... really? Apparently, the rest of us in the room were not able to entertain her enough, so she had to digress to this really REALLY annoying display of attempting to get our attention. What? If you can't interrupt us with something irrelevant to contribute to our conversation you will just interrupt us by reading about carrots? REALLY?

We were talking all high and mighty intelligent talk about religion and apparently that was above her head... or maybe the price of carrots was just more interesting... I'll let you decide.

2) I'm going to rant now... this isn't really for your reading pleasure but is something that I must get out or I might explode.

I really freaking hate it when people judge me. You don't know my situation and you don't know the details of the situation so how dare you look at me and sigh at me like what I am saying is stupid. You are not better than me. Yes you are older than me, but you do not necessarily know more than me. I know what is the best decision for me and my family, you do not. I am not an irresponsible person rushing into a rash decision. I realize the implications of whatever decision me and my husband make. I don't give a shit if you think you are so "in the know" and so on top of your life... personally, I don't give a shit. And don't ask me questions about my situation if all you are going to do is hmm and haw at me and look at me like I'm making a stupid decision. I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. Shut your freaking mouth.

On that rant, I think I need to give this anonymous person a nickname... I will go with GP... standing for Goucho Pants.

*To all readers who work with myself, LT and GP... These rants and raves are meant to be private, so please keep them that way. Inside jokes are ok, but please don't make my ranting page public knowledge. Thank you for your cooperation.

- Thanks -
The Management

4.22.2008

Lunchtime Antics - "What's Your Name Again???"

Among today's lunchtime enlightening moments were these:

  • LT doesn't know her neighbors and they don't know her... at least not on a first name basis. They simply refer to each other as "INSERT PET NAME HERE's Mom". So, to all her neighbors, she is simply, "Bailey's Mom." Be proud LT, be very proud.
  • Apparently her sister was married to a drug dealer... what this had to do with anything we were talking about, I don't know, so I can't really describe it's relevance as I don't think there is any... but it's still kinda funny.
  • Ass kissing comes naturally to LT... to witness this oh-so-admirable quality, all you have to do is sit through one lunch with LT and her boss... OH DEAR LORD LT... you're lips are starting to turn brown. Give it up.
  • And last but not least, I'm pretty sure LT carried on an entire conversation with herself as she was trying to interrupt one of our other conversations going on at the time. No one acknowledged her as she started talking (because we were already talking about another much more interesting topic). She didn't care or didn't realize that no one was paying attention and proceeded to have an ongoing laugh talk conversation with herself for a whole five minutes or so... impressive LT. Really, it is. You could be a one-woman show.

Other than that, nothing too exciting. Work is as fast-paced as ever...

4.18.2008

My Idea of Heaven...

No, it's not really Heaven... perhaps, my new favorite Fast Food Restaurant? If you can even call it that... I mean, HELLO!

For those of you that know me really well, you know that I LOVE LOVE LOVE cereal... I can eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Those nights when Jimmys isn't really hungry and I don't need to cook, oh yes, I eat cereal... at all times, we have at least 2-3 varieties to feed my loving habit.

This is where I introduce my new favorite "fast food" chain:

Yes, it is a resturant called Cereality. Here is a little blurb to describe it:

At Cereality, customers choose from their favorite brands and toppings. Pajama-clad Cereologists™ fill the orders. And customers choose and add their own milk, just the way they like it.

So, this is my new favorite restaurant... I have never actually been there, and there is only one location in Arizona and it is on the ASU campus and is only open until 3pm, but still... I endorse this new idea and you should too!

For more info, click here.

4.17.2008

Cubicle Life


My day to day existence consists of a cubicle. It lends to the eavesdropping habit that I love to cultivate, but it doesn't allow any privacy. This whole privacy issue is cause for concern... don't others know that....


I CAN HEAR YOU!


No? You don't realize that I can hear every phone conversation, every small and minute personal detail of that phone call with your gynocologist? Do you care that I don't give a crap on how to do payroll... keep your freaking voice down. We live in a world of cubicles, it isn't necessary for you to speak at 8 decibles higher than necessary. Are you partially deaf? If so, that's fine, maybe we can get you some special equipment.


The sad thing here is this post isn't directed at one person in particular... there are multiple obnoxiously loud speaking individuals in our cubicle land! I just don't get it... do you WANT me to know all the sad details in your life? Do you want me to know when your next appointment is, what your test results were, who died and how, or how to order office supplies? Granted the last one isn't personal business... that one is just me ranting at why you have to yell at the top of your lungs to explain to one person WHO IS IN YOUR CUBE WITH YOU how to order office supplies. It's not freaking rocket science...


Dear lord, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...

4.15.2008

GHETTO-FABULOUS?

Are you GHETTO FABULOUS???


You are if you have one of these!

Available at your local Blockbuster for $3.19.

You know you want one!

4.14.2008

Seventeen Anyone?

Forgot to mention that while going to the movies on Saturday night with Caitlyn, I was CARDED to see "Smart People" which is rated R...

The guy says, "Can I see your ID?" I look at him in disbelief and say, "REALLY? Are you serious?" He says, "Uh, yeah." I just laugh and hand it to him.

I hate being carded now, but I'm sure I will learn to enjoy it...

Weird Dancing Old Men

Friday night we trekked out to Glendale to see Jon Bon Jovi. Jimmy's dad had won tickets on the radio (shocker) and had given them to us as he couldn't go. We assumed that considering they were from the radio station, they had to be good seats, right? WRONG. We final found our section and as we looked down we realized, our seats are right behind the freaking stage... seriously! When I wasn't trying to see around a three foot wide bunch of cables, I was staring at the back of the performers heads. After a few minutes we realized that the seats at the end of our row, which weren't blocked by the annoying cables weren't filled, so we moved down and could at least enjoy the back of their heads without dodging the cables.

Part I: Daughtry. He was EXCELLENT. I really really like him. Considering he came to fame through American Idol, I was thinking that he might be a little cheesy, but not at all. He was really good and is a great rocker! I like him and his band... you should too.

Part II: Jon Bon Jovi/Richie Sambora and gang. So, Sambora is cool... he comes out in this long purple trench coat thing and was rocking out on his guitar and at one point sang his own little diddy... I like him, kind of. Now Bon Jovi on the other hand, a little creepy. The man CANNOT dance and shouldn't... ever! He sings alright, although when him and Chris Daughtry did a duet, Daughtry totally outsang Bon Jovi. Anyway, Bon Jovi kept doing all these really odd bouncy dance moves that would be more fit to a Sun City Sunday Night Canasta/Dance party... it was odd. I mean, your supposed to be Rock N' Roll, not the Jitterbug. Seriously. I only really enjoyed about three of their songs and Jimmy was pissed because we didn't get to hear "Wanted" because we left before their set was over in an effort to beat traffic. I know, we suck.

Anyway, other than his creepy dancing and the bad seats, it was a good show (but I can't guarentee I'd be saying that if I had actually had to pay for the tickets).

Other than that, this weekend included laying sod and sleeping a lot. Nothing exciting. Promise.

4.08.2008

Weekend From HELL

I'm going to skip over Friday. Let's just say it doesn't need to be discussed. Bad things happened which led to me getting a group of 16 people kicked out of a Scottsdale club and getting puke on my husband's butt... bad bad bad night.


Saturday was spent recovering from my Friday night tryst.

Sunday was when the weekend got REAL fun. Jimmy and I were working on building the fence for our dog run on the side of the house. I had been doing something with the bottom of the gate and as I stood up I had slammed the top of my head into his temple. Needless to say, we were both seeing stars, but I was the one who whined about it... (my macho man husband doesn't whine.) So as I'm whining about my head, he looks at me and says, "You're such a baby, you need to develop a higher pain tolerance." This was the DEATH CURSE.

Not more than five minutes after his little sassy comment, this happens:

I'm holding the hinge for the gate as Jimmy is using the drill to screw it onto the post. As he is drilling the screw slips, stays attached to the drill bit and dives into my finger! I jump up freaking out of course and run toward the house. Jimmy runs over and asks me if it's bleeding... all I can say is I don't know! I didn't want to look at it. As we get inside the house, he runs me upstairs, turns on the water in the sink and forces my hand under the water. I look down and see the damage. The screw (still attached to the drill and moving) dove into my thumb. Went down the side of my cuticle and into my nail. It hurt SO FREAKING BAD. Then my oh so nice husband decides to pour peroxide on it... OUCH!

He felt so bad. He kept saying he was sorry and ended up taking me out to dinner and a movie Sunday night, but not until we finished the freaking fence... bandaged thumb and everything.

So yesterday I had to go get a tetanis shot seeing as I hadn't had one since I was like 8 and you're supposed to have them every 10 years. Then they took x-rays of my thumb to make sure the screw didn't hit anything important (it didn't) and then they soaked it in iodine and prescribed me some antibiotics to make sure there is no infection. So far so good. It is looking much better.

There was one gloriously shining moment to add to my four days of horror...

I FOUND THIS AT TARGET YESTERDAY:
If you can't tell what that is... It's called "Some Dude's Fry Sauce". That's right, I found pre-packaged FRY SAUCE in Arizona!!! I know all you people thought I was lying about the joys of fry sauce in Idaho, but it does exist!!!

4.04.2008

Does this disturb anyone else?

The New Kids on the Block... I remember the revolution they caused. I was 6. Yes, they were everything a little girl dreamed of in a boyfriend, they were quite the phenomenon in that day in age... but REALLY?!?! A comeback?


This morning they announced on the Today show that NKOTB will begin a reunion tour, performing together for the first time in almost 15 years.

  1. That makes me feel REALLY old.
  2. Come on boys, your building yourself up for major disappointment! You will never EVER reach the level of fame you had and enjoyed so much in 1992.

However, more power to you... it should be an interesting journey.

**They still look a little creepy, but on a side note, look how far their wardrobes have come.

4.02.2008

Smuggling Budgies

So, this lunchtime update does not include LT... GASP!

Traci and I decided that we needed to get out of the office yesterday and we invited the always entertaining Hylton. Needless to say, any outing with Hylton is always entertaining as he is a master storyteller and has no qualms about what may or may not be inappropriate. The fact that he says it all with a fantastic British accent only makes it better.

Too much was discussed at lunch to include in this post, but the highlight of the day was this discussion.

Hylton: I went to kickboxing at the YMCA last night and Jaime (the instructor -- pronounced HI-MEE) was wearing REALLY SHORT SHORTS. He had underwear on, but you could still see up his shorts.

This little tidbit led to the discussion of being able to see "bulges". Think the running "sausage" scene from Juno. Hylton then enlightened us with our daily British 101 lesson.

Hylton: In the UK, they call parakeets "budgies". When a man has a noticable bulge in his pants, people will say, "Oh my, he's trying to smuggle a budgie."

It was classic. I guess you had to be there.

And if you are curious, Traci and I will be attempting to drop this fun line into our daily conversations.

Because people are asking...

Yes, I am still working out. I haven't been as good about the morning thing, but I am still getting to the gym at least 3 times/week. It's becoming a habit and I LOVE IT!

4.01.2008

A New Best Friend

Hello all, I'd like to introduce you to my new best friend:
Anna, I'm sorry, but I really do love Dell (Jr.). This is my new monitor. After a one-year relationship with my ginormous 800 pound old-school Dell (Sr.) monitor, he has been replaced. By this sleek, slender, oh so GLORIOUS version. It looks beautimous on my desk. This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!