I just may explode...

It's been a while since I've had a coworker worth nicknaming and sharing on here. Today I will be introducing you all to CB (short for Crazy Biatch). I contemplated a few other nicknames, but she makes me want to curse so this was the most fitting for the moment. Here's her story. She's our office accountant... late-50s, uber conservative religious lady who LOVES horses. She's divorced and bitter and odd. Normally her oddness is fine and you take it with a grain of salt. The last few days, she's been driving me NUTS and I've honestly thought about stabbing her in the face with a pen, but I digress. Violence really isn't my forte and what good would I be doing my unborn child if I had to give birth in the state pen... so, for now I will put my pen down and vent online.

Most of my anger comes from the fact that I have to teach Accounting 101 to a certified CPA. That just seems wrong, right? I think so. I mean, I know I'm smart, but COME ON! Here's the story. We reconcile our division budget each month. Not rocket science. So I reconciled January with no issues, had to make some transfers, no biggie. Monday I got the reconcilation report from accounting for February. (Yes, I just got it the first week in April... but that's a whole other issue) On this report are two credits. One for $8 and one for $15. Yes, my world is CRASHING down over $23... The issue lies in the fact that I wasn't charged for these on the January report, so I shouldn't be getting a credit. Without boring you with the ridiculousness, it took two days and multiple conversations for me to explain to our ACCOUNTANT that you can't credit me for something I was never charged for and expect me to be able to reconcile the budget correctly. End of story, not complicated, right? Au contraire... it was complicated... and ridiculous... and took her about 800 years to comprehend. I'm thinking of mentioning she may consider retiring, but I might get smacked...

As I'm entering her cube for one of the above said Accounting 101 conversations yesterday, this crazy biatch has the nerve to start the following conversation with me:
CB: You're looking really big lately.
Me: Yea, that's what happens when you're pregnant.
CB: How far along are you now?
Me: Almost 27 weeks.
CB: How much weight have you gained?
Me: That's not a nice thing to ask anyone, much less a pregnant lady...
CB: Why?
Me: Because...
CB: So, your Dr. must have told you you've gained too much.
Me: What? Why?
CB: Well, you obviously don't want to talk about it so it must mean you've gained too much.
Me: No, my Dr. says I'm right on track but thanks.
Me: Can we figure this accounting stuff out now and stop talking about how fat you think I am.
CB: Ok.

Who the EFF has the nerve to have this conversation? She freaking kills me. I can't even comprehend her line of thought. Again, violence was considered.

And this morning. I received a stack of new invoices from our ad agency yesterday. Process is to make sure accounting touches everything before we do anything with it. Accountability, right? What if I were to take a stack of invoices and lose them... not something I want hanging over my head. Rather have someone out there who knows I have the invoices who can follow up if they aren't processed in a timely manner, etc. Well, accounting is apparently too busy (aka lazy) to do their job and they don't want to code the invoices accordingly, therefore CB claims they can't do anything with them until I code them. I still give them to her first before I code them so she knows they've been received. Every month we have the SAME conversation about this. It goes no where.

I freaking hate you right now CB. I recommend not speaking to me for the next week or so. Or forever. That might be better. For your saftey.