The most AMAZING woman I know.

I totally should have done this like three weeks ago for Mother's Day, but... I suck... so I'm doing it now!

It's one thing to have an awesome mom... it's another thing entirely to have a mom who is your best friend. A lot of people think it's weird that I talk to my mom everyday, but I don't. Why wouldn't I want to talk to her everyday. She is truly an incredible mother and an amazing person in general. She is so thoughtful, so caring, and has put up with me for 23 (almost 24) whole years!

Here are a few reasons why I love you Mom:

1) You lead by example. You have literally "been there, done that" and are an amazing role model. You guide your children with a gentle hand, but don't press me even when you know I'm doing something wrong. I appreciate all the advice and have learned over the last few years that you really do know what you're talking about and I shouldn't question it. :)

2) You are the strongest person I know. Having gone through everything you've been through you are still an amazing, gentle, caring person. You have always taught me that just because we may have obstacles in life, they are not excuses. As you know, this has made me a better person.

3) You are sarcastic and witty, and you passed it on to me. I love that over the last couple years I have learned that my sense of humor comes from you. You're a funny lady!

4) You don't let your children be losers or moochers. I love that you taught me independence and that when I was ready to use it, you let me. Even though I'm sure it was the hardest thing you ever had to do, you let me go and I appreciate it.

5) I see you in me more and more everyday. Knowing that I am shaping up to be like you is an honor.

I love you Mommy! I can only hope that when the time comes I can be half the mother that you have been for me.

Rain, Rain, DON'T GO AWAY

Rain in Phoenix is like a present. It's like when you pull out your winter coat and discover that $20 bill in your pocket. It's like unwrapping something totally unexpected. It's AMAZING.

I lived in Washington for four years and the rain there is not like the rain in Arizona. In Phoenix, with over 300 days a year of sunshine, rain is a gift, it is something you only see a FEW times a year, so you learn to appreciate it and love it.

Rain in the desert is amazing all in itself. Living somewhere that has "dry heat" you don't feel humidity very often, so when that storm begins to build, the air becomes electric, you can feel it and you can smell it. It's amazing.

On Monday, it was 110 degrees, sunny and HOT HOT HOT. Yesterday, the clouds rolled in and it rained all day and was 55 degrees at 5:00 pm.

So in honor of the upcoming Monsoon season and the rain this week here are some pictures of rain in the desert and our truly awe-inspiring thunderstorms...

We're Fighting

I am officially fighting with...

AUTOMATIC DOORS!

At first I thought it was just a coincidence. When I'd try to get in the grocery store, the doors wouldn't open and I looked like an idiot pushing my cart back and forth under the sensor trying to get them to open until someone from inside would walk out and I could slide in. This happened a few times. Or someone hits the handicap buttom and the door stays open for AN HOUR... until I try to walk through and then it slams closed on me. But on Friday night, at Safeway, I decided this wasn't a coincidence. It has now happened multiple times at multiple places so it must be an automatic door conspiracy. Against me. They hate me for some reason. They are all out to get me or to at least make me look like a moron in public.

Poor me.

Feel bad for me and my fight with automatic doors.

It's sad.

And embarrasing.

Flirting with Boys

I TOTALLY got caught yesterday... flirting with a boy... at Target... by his parents.

He was probably 11 months old.

I was walking behind this couple in the aisle and the baby was peaking around his mom smiling at me, then he'd giggle and hide behind his mom. His parents were oblivious.

So I did what any normal girl would do... I started playing peek-a-boo with him as I walked behind his mom. Making those obnoxious faces adults make at babies. He kept laughing and the game went on for a few minutes as we walked down the aisle.

His parents finally stopped to look at something and as I carted by, he turner around in his little seat to watch me walk by and I gave him one last funny face... his parents were looking at me as I did it. We all laughed.

Good times... I got caught flirting with a slobbery bald man.

Blah

I've been really down lately, and I think it's starting to effect things in my life. I just can't pull myself out of this continuous bad mood. Jimmy's starting to get sick of it, I know it's making me slack at work, and honestly, I don't like being like this.

I'm trying to figure out what it has to do with. I think it has a lot to do with our current housing situation and the impending uncertainty that is our future at this point. It has to do with the fact that I am PMSing, but that is something that will go away in a week or so. I think it also has to do with the fact that next Saturday is the 4 year anniversary of my Dad's death.

I don't really talk about my dad a lot, but I really really miss him and I think that the anger is starting to fade to the point that sadness is starting to set in. I know that four years is a long time, but I have a lot of anger. I never had a real "break down" moment with the whole thing and I think that I needed to and not having had that moment has been sort of like a denial.

It's not like I live in denial of his death, and it's not like I don't ever talk about it, but it is something that lives in the back of my mind every single moment of every day and I feel like this upcoming anniversary is going to be worse than the last three years. I don't know why, it's not like there is any major significance for it being the four year anniversary, it just seems different this year. More top of mind if that's possible.

I hate that there is such a stigma with it all. And I hate the anger. Why couldn't it have been an accident, why couldn't it have been an illness. Why in God's name would you ever CHOOSE to leave. I still can't get over that he CHOSE to leave me. That he CHOSE death over me. I know that that is selfish of me. I understand that my father was horribly depressed and that he had been for years and that some people knew he had this horrible illness that ate and ate at him every single day, but I had no idea. I was 19, why didn't anyone tell me that I should talk to my Dad about his depression. Ask him how he was doing. He lied to me. He made me think everything was ok, he made me think that his life was honkie freakin dorie when in fact he was absolutely miserable inside... I had no idea. And the thing that hurts me most is that I saw him the day before he did it and he made plans with me. He knew he would never see me again and he made plans with me for later that week. So my last memory of my dad is of him lying to me.

I hate that he missed my college graduation.

I hate that he missed my wedding.

I hate that my husband never got to meet him.

I hate that I had the absolute best dad in the world and now he is gone.

I hate that he will never meet his grandchildren.

I hate that I will never ever get to talk to my dad ever again.

I hate that it has been four years since I have seen his face or heard his voice.

I just hate that he left me.

But I don't hate him. And therein lies my issue.

So, if you notice that I am down over the next week or so, this is why. I don't post this for pity, trust me, I don't want it. I just have to vent, and that is the whole reason I have a blog to begin with. So pardon me while I get this all out.

M . I . A .

I know I know, you all are yelling at me... I'm sorry, I've been MIA. We have a lot of ISH going on right now, and believe it or not, work has been relatively busy... ok, well not busy so to speak, but busier than usual?

So, a brief update... we are putting our house on the market... this means painting and cleaning galore! Ugh... I hate it. I'm so sick of hearing about houses and loans and interest rates and credit scores and crap that if anyone tries to talk to me about it again in the next 48-72 hours I might punch them... in the throat.

Other than that, life is good.

My father in law is turning 50 this weekend... WOOHOO, Happy Birthday Jim. I love him, he's such an awesome guy. I have to find a 1950s inspired outfit to participate in the festivities... should be an entertaining night. I'll be sure to take lots of drunken photos for your viewing pleasure.

And I promise to not go MIA anymore... in fact, I will try to blog on the hour every hour for the next 87 days... just kidding... humor people.

Ok, I think it's time to stop this rambling. I'm sorry. :)

I am an obnoxious parent.

My babies, Madison and Abby.

Abby and her deaf cuteness.
Stepchild #1: Terrance. Doesn't he look kind of angry?
Stepchild #2: Belle. The one with the eye issues.

My baby doll, Madison Moo Cow. I love her.
I love my children...