Shitty Reminders

Most days I can forget that suicide plays such a large role in my daily life. Most days I can think about my Dad fondly and block out the fact that he left me. By choice. Most days, the anger isn't here. Today is not one of those days.

I received a call this morning that a family friend lost her son. At first, we didn't know details (and still don't know many). This poor lady lost her first son a few years back, he was hit by a car. Today, she woke up to the news that she lost her second and only remaining son. They don't know what exactly happens, but it sounds like it may be suicide. He shot himself, but they don't know the circumstances surrounding it.

Why is our culture so effed up that people with serious depression issues feel like they can't talk to someone for fear of being viewed as week??? It is so sad that talking about suicide is so taboo, but when you do talk to someone, most people know someone who has been affected by it. I am a victim of suicide. Have I ever been tempted no, but it left me a victim dammit.

My Dad was a great person. He had a shitty life, but he had an amazing personality. He was an addict. He needed help. He wouldn't ask for it though and no one thought to try to force him into it. He was a big man with a strong personality... I never knew.

Today I am reminded again of the devastation that suicide causes in the lives of its victims. It doesn't seem fair that those that make the decision are no longer here to help pick up the pieces. Those of us that had NO control over the situation have to do that.

Please pray for Julie. She had two sons, now she has none. As a mother, this is the most heartbreaking thing I can ever imagine. I hope for she can pick up the pieces, but I don't even know where to tell her to begin.


Anonymous said...

Hello sweetheart. An important thing to remember is that a person has to want to be helped. I did try to "help" your dad for 17 1/2 years, he thought I was a pain. When I finally decided to leave he asked me, "What if I finally decide I want help, what do I do then?" I told him that I have been here for 17 1/2 years offering my help and he has laughed in my face. When and if the day came that he decides he really did want help, he knew where to find me. Of course, we all know he never asked. I have been so angry at him for what he did to you, not thinking about what all he's missing. I have also been so overwhelmingly sad that he didn't think life was worth sticking around to watch you succeed and become the most amazing mom to our grandchild.

I do know that he loved you more than anything and that he is looking down on you with so much pride at the incredible individual and mother you have become.

I love you so much. I promise you, I will never intentionally leave you, I will always be right here for you!

I will keep your friend in my prayers. I cannot imagine how broken hearted she must be.

Lil Hannah said...

Praying for your friend and YOU love.

Meghan Dorn said...

Sending lots of love to you and Julie. It is so heart breaking that people still feel a stigma to talk about suicidal thoughts. I do have a few friends who have been honest about those types of feelings and actively seek treatment. It is such a selfish act and my heart breaks for the child in you who had to grow up so fast because he just didn't ask for help. Know that this makes you an amazing daughter to your mom, wife to Jimmy, mother to James, and friend to more people than you can count. You bring so much grace and maturity - and humor! - to a persons' life because you know just how precious it is. I love you and am so thankful yo call you my friend!

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