Excerpt: Parents, your kids aren't that special
- Jack says there's no such thing as the perfect family, only degrees of dysfunction
- Cafferty: Parents' inability to impose limits reflects in dropout rates, drug abuse, sex
- Jack can't recall a generation "ever so indulged and enabled to behave so badly"
Below is an excerpt from CNN commentator Jack Cafferty's new book, "Now or Never." Jack appears daily in "The Situation Room" on CNN from 4 to 7 p.m. ET.
I never presumed to have any more answers about being a parent than anybody else.
There are no perfect parents, perfect kids, perfect families -- only degrees of dysfunction.
You get up in the morning and do the best you can. At the end of the day you say, "Okay, that wasn't so bad, let's try it again tomorrow." Some of my instincts were pretty good and some of them were awful.
I did stay engaged and didn't say to hell with being a father when my first marriage ended. With the younger girls, I eventually made the choice to clean up my alcoholism before I pushed things to the point of no return. But most of the credit does to my second wife Carol; to the girls; and to God Almighty. Ultimately, I've just been very fortunate.
I don't know the status of parenting in America. But I know a little about the status of education in America. Parents' growing inability to impose manners and limits on their kids when the kids are in school is reflected in record dropout rates, as well as teen drug and alcohol abuse, teen sex, and unwed pregnancies. Maybe it's parenting that's on the decline, more than the schools. 
Watch Jack Cafferty talk about "Now or Never" in The Situation Room" »
Exhibit A: My wife and I have just been seated for dinner when the maitre d' walks over and seats a young family at the table next to us and the kids start carrying on like orangutans on a leash.
The parents are going, "Timmy, that's not nice, don't throw your food, stop stuffing your mashed potatoes up your nose." Are mom and dad having fun yet, picking food up off the floor, apologizing to people like us, and wiping food flung across the table off their faces?
Some parents still have this attitude that their kids are too special to be burdened by discipline. And the rest of us are supposed to put up with their little mutants. That attitude really pisses me off.
I hate to break it to them, but the kids aren't special, and I don't have to put up with their behavior. If you can't control your obnoxious little brats, leave them home.
They don't belong out in public annoying other people, period. I don't remember a generation of kids ever so indulged and enabled to behave so badly. What's going on?
I remember as a kid I was expected to behave myself out in public or suffer the wrath of one very angry father. And of all the things that used to piss him off, those expectations didn't seem unreasonable. Something's gone terribly wrong here. My guess is it has to do with the breakdown of authority, the collapse of strong family structure, and the abdication of parental responsibility, dictated in part by the necessity that both parents work.
Plus, we have a whole generation of Baby Boomers who are too busy feeling entitled to prolong their own self-indulgent, self-absorbed adolescences to rein in their own kids.
Just a theory.
**Just my two cents, but I totally agree. I heard last week that "fair" is the worst four letter word in the English language. I couldn't agree more. All of this bull ish that society is feeding us that everything needs to be fair and everyone should be seen on an even playing field is BOGUS. If I am better than you at something so be it. If I put in the effot I should be recognized for it. If you suck, you need to FAIL. Lessons are not being taught by hand holding these kids who don't give a crap. If they are going to fail and don't want to put in any effort, we as a society need to let them face those consequences.
As a soon-to-be new parent, here is my vow to you society: I will raise a child with manners. He will say please and thank you and he will respect his elders. He will be taught that no is something he will hear often and he just needs to get over it. He will know that life is not fair. He will be taught that if he works hard he will be rewarded. He will know that if he doesn't try his hardest, he may not like the outcome and he will have to deal with it. He will not think that he "deserves" anything. He will know that there will be punishments and consequences for his actions. He will know that the only thing he has a right to is food, water, and shelter. He will know that anything beyond this is a privilege. But he will know that he is loved and that we will help him to accomplish anything he sets his mind to.
It's a bit daunting to think that I will be responsible for shaping this little person. I know the stuff above is easier said than done, but I know I have to write my goals down, so that's what I'm doing. :)
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