Shitty Reminders

Most days I can forget that suicide plays such a large role in my daily life. Most days I can think about my Dad fondly and block out the fact that he left me. By choice. Most days, the anger isn't here. Today is not one of those days.

I received a call this morning that a family friend lost her son. At first, we didn't know details (and still don't know many). This poor lady lost her first son a few years back, he was hit by a car. Today, she woke up to the news that she lost her second and only remaining son. They don't know what exactly happens, but it sounds like it may be suicide. He shot himself, but they don't know the circumstances surrounding it.

Why is our culture so effed up that people with serious depression issues feel like they can't talk to someone for fear of being viewed as week??? It is so sad that talking about suicide is so taboo, but when you do talk to someone, most people know someone who has been affected by it. I am a victim of suicide. Have I ever been tempted no, but it left me a victim dammit.

My Dad was a great person. He had a shitty life, but he had an amazing personality. He was an addict. He needed help. He wouldn't ask for it though and no one thought to try to force him into it. He was a big man with a strong personality... I never knew.

Today I am reminded again of the devastation that suicide causes in the lives of its victims. It doesn't seem fair that those that make the decision are no longer here to help pick up the pieces. Those of us that had NO control over the situation have to do that.

Please pray for Julie. She had two sons, now she has none. As a mother, this is the most heartbreaking thing I can ever imagine. I hope for she can pick up the pieces, but I don't even know where to tell her to begin.

Day 2

Yesterday was cake... I ate my 5 medifast meals and my lean/green meal without any real problems. Didn't have any major cravings, felt good about myself. I liked all the foods I ate. Today -- a whole different story. I think the biggest part of it was that I was at work today and I am not a huge fan of work. My old routine was to get out of dodge for lunch (preferably to chik-fil-a). I also enjoyed a daily soda (or two). Being in that environment was tough. I started my day early and had a bar on the way to work. Then I tried the Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal... yuck. It was gross and pasty, not a fan. Glad I thought to bring an extra meal just in case. Everything else for the day was fine. I think I like the Oatmeal Raisin and S'more Crunch bars best.

I realized today that I need 3 servings of veggies, not the one I had yesterday or the two I had today. Given that I was STARVING for the first half of the day, I think if I bring 1/2-1 cup of veggies to work and maybe even half my lean meal for lunch, that will make me feel better. I craved everything today: Chik-fil-a, chocolate, soda, pasta, bread, everything that I knew I shouldn't have. In the end, I couldn't let myself fall off track on Day 2. That would be W-E-A-K. So here I am... the end of day 2 and proud of myself. :)

One year later...

Wow, it has been almost a year since I've been on here... that's a bit ridiculous. Anyway, James is now 18-months old and is still the most perfect child. I love him more each day. He makes me laugh so much and has the best little personality. I will do my best to upload pics soon, although anyone who reads this is friends with me on Facebook, so you can see them all there. :)

The real reason I came back on here is to document my new journey in diet/exercise and a healthier lifestyle in general. After I had James, I lost the weight relatively steadily, but have been plateaued for over a year now. I'm ready to feel better about myself.

Today I started the medifast diet... You can google it for more info. Then I start personal training on Tuesday. I will upload pictures of myself along my journey (not to be shown on Facebook) and will keep you posted on my weekly progress. I'm also going to document how I feel throughout the process and what I like/don't like day to day. It may be a bit boring to read, but it will help me track my progress.

Until next time... (and it won't be a year, promise!)

After Bath adorableness.

My god I love this child.  He is so fun and cute and adorable and I just can’t get enough.

Almost 7 months in, and I love him more each day.

Enjoy.

And we're mobile...

I have about 2.5 seconds to prepare for the storm that will be ravaging my house shortly...

James is about ready to become my crawling nightmare... but he sure will be cute doing it!

How is my baby 1/2 a year old???

This coming Friday, my baby will be 6 months old... first of all, how the heck did this happen? How in the world did my baby grow so fast? We go to the Dr. again on Friday for our 6 month check-up so I will report back on the stats next week.

Some updates. If I sit him up, he can keep himself up for a really LONG time. Unless a toy catches his attention and he leans too far in his attempt to get it. He can push himself up on both arms and is trying to figure out how to propel himself... I think we will be crawling in the next few weeks. We have tried all the flavors of Stage One baby food including peas, green beans, carrots, squash, sweet potatoes, applesauce, pears, peaches, bananas, and prunes. We are also good with rice cereal and oatmeal. So far, there isn't anything he doesn't like... woohoo! We will be moving on to stage two foods shortly.

Other than that, nothing major. I have some more update to make including pics from New Years and pics to come from Anna's visit this weekend and my Mom's visit next weekend. So keep an eye out.

Also note the new pics month by month on the side bar.

Santa is GOOD

James had an amazing first Christmas. Given he was only 5 months old, it was definitely more for us than it was for him. His favorite part? The wrapping paper! He loved it. We had a really fun, low key day. Spent the morning as just the three of us, Jimmy's Mom came over later in the afternoon for a few hours and then we went to Jimmy's Dad's house for dinner.

Nothing too exciting, but here are some pics!


Hope yours was great!